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Then, after we both were thoroughly fucked, the two of us, as piles of mush, cuddled together. That way, we shared the experience together.
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Do you know what helped? Getting pounded with him. I had the same knee-jerk response, and like you, knew intellectually that there was no reason to feel awkward about what was happening. To be honest, with my ex, I felt a little weird seeing him get pounded by multiple guys, too. I understand it can be tough to see multiple men go to town on your partner, even though he seems to want that experience of objectification. Ironically, it can be an empowering and even cathartic experience when done consensually. I know I have times when I just want to get completely used. To some people, it’s very arousing to get tossed around and objectified sexually from time to time-and it doesn’t mean your partner wants it all the time. I think your gut feeling stems from the idea of seeing your partner objectified. This doesn’t sound like you, which is great news. These men struggle with internalized homophobia, femmephobia, and even sexism. Sometimes, gay and bi men don’t bottom because they perceive the act as “feminine,” since they’re the ones being penetrated. So clearly, you don't look down upon the act of bottoming. You have a visceral negative response to the image of your partner getting railed by multiple dudes, but you're okay with him bottoming for one or two guys. So what I would like to do is help you better understand and articulate your discomfort that way you can find a solution that works for both you and your boyfriend. However, you don’t seem to know what it is about the situation that’s making you uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, or in an open relationship: You're always allowed to ask your partner not to do something that makes you uncomfortable. You don’t like the idea of seeing your boyfriend getting pounded by multiple dudes, but I would like to say on record that I find the idea very hot. But the thought of a ton of men topping my boyfriend makes me feel almost physically ill, even though intellectually I recognize that sex is just sex and the role one plays shouldn’t make a difference.Īm I think about this all wrong? Is it wrong of me to ask my boyfriend not to put himself in this position (literally)? I also am not bothered by the idea of him bottoming for one or two guys. Seeing him top multiple guys didn’t bother me at all. I cannot say exactly why this is, but I have an extremely negative gut reaction to the thought of that. Based on his comments, what’s appealing to him is the idea of a lot of guys really going to town on him. Lately, my boyfriend has been dropping comments about wanting to have group sex again, but this time he’d like to bottom. It was an overall a positive experience we both enjoyed. Both my boyfriend and I are vers, but during the group sex, we both topped.
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We’ve also had a couple of threesomes and had group sex together on one occasion. We made a rule that if we are traveling without each other, sex with other people is OK. We’re very honest about our sexual wants and needs, and we recognize that we both have some sexual fantasies that the other can’t fulfill. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Ask me anything-literally, anything-and I will gladly Sexplain It. I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it).